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Posts Tagged ‘Audi R8’

Image from: http://longwood-house.co.ukSmile. No a little bit wider. Show me some teeth. Thatttts it. Feeling better
already are you? What do you mean ‘no’? You mean to tell me that grinning and bearing it doesn’t make all your troubles go away? Well there goes my theory out the window.

So what exactly does make us happy? Bucket of chicken? Sometimes. Glass of wine, or in my case make that seven. That usually works. Falling in love? Unlikely to be honest, you spend half the time extatic and the other half suicidally depressed. Or maybe that’s just me again. Watching your team win a match? Though I’m not sure if that’s so much happiness as it is momentary elation.

Money might help. I know they say it doesn’t, but perhaps whoever these ‘they’ are have never owned an Audi R8. Don’t be under any illusion that I have, but take it from me I’d find it pretty hard to be depressed in one of those babies. Maybe I’m just more shallow than your average person (or more honest, I’m not sure).

Expensive cars aside however, I think we’ve got this happiness business all wrong. Most people seem to think we have to be happy all the time, well I personally can’t think of anything more exhausting. See what you’ve actually got to do is make sure you have enough good moments in life to out-balance the incredibly (excuse my language but it’s needed) shit ones.

These days everyone thinks to be happy we need to prove how great our lives are all the time. Its common knowledge if your facebook, twitter, bbm and linkedin statuses don’t indicate what a blast you’re having, the chances are you’re probably at home bored. And if you’re not, well everyone else thinks you are, so you might as well be.

Now call me crazy but maybe, just maybe if everyone spent a little more time living life instead of updating about it, we’d start noticing how great we’ve all really got it.

And what really makes me happy? The little things. Going to buy a pair of shoes and my debit card not being declined. A guy I like texting when he says he will. McDonald’s accidentally forgetting to charge me for my chips. Making my friends laugh, (with me, not at me). And of course, eating half the contents of my fridge and still being able to wear skinny jeans without it being ironic.

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Dear Idiot Man

Dear idiot man,

I write to you, and hope that you in turn pass this information on to future idiot men. Consider me the fire starter, and once I light your torch, I can only suggest that you pass on my flame. Now, allow me to be brief and explain this problem in terms you may understand.

Personally I like to think I’m an Audi R8: not quite as fast as the Veyron, not quite as cool as the Enzo, and definitely not as beautiful as the DB9. Calling myself an Audi, I’ll admit is possibly a little optimistic, but if you don’t think highly of yourself, believe me no one else will, so that’s my claim and I’m sticking to it.

Now, being a single woman in London feels a lot like being a Y-reg Vauxwagen Lupo. The kind with stiff gears and squeaky windscreen wipers – the poor mans choice. Men seem to be making the assumption that if a car hasn’t been driven for a while, it will be thrilled by the first offer to go for a ride.

You see where I’m going with this? While my friends in relationships are getting regularly serviced, the surrounding mechanics think that a little Lupo like myself would be happy with an ‘oil change’ every once in a while. Well it doesn’t quite work like that.

Don’t get me wrong; some girls will call for a little roadside assistance every now and then. Others of us however are quite happy to wait in the garage until the right scart lead comes along to jump start our battery. So remember, your key may fit the ignition, but don’t buy the car mats just yet, it doesn’t always mean the ride is yours.

Before you write Alan Day a large cheque for a new car, you’re going to want to take it for a test drive, right? Well to us girls, a date is a lot like a test drive. If I’m not happy with my trial, there’s no way I’m taking it home. So what if it looks good, if it seems healthy under the bonnet, if I turn on the sound system and Your So Vain is blaring out the speakers, you may as well forget it.

It seem like we’re asking for a lot, so on behalf of woman kind, I add that most of us just want a guy who knows how to change gears without crunching. And if this all seems a little too much for you, then perhaps you should stick to an automatic for now. I guess it’s all a matter of preference.

Yours Sincerely,
-A woman, who probably thinks she knows more about men and cars than she actually does.

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